I decided to redo the aquarium to remove the lid and grow plants on top ... the only problem was getting the lighting I needed. I went through several ideas that I decided would not work for me before deciding to get a tall floor lamp. This turned out to be an ordeal, and so I am writing this for anybody else who would like to benefit from my experience.
- Look online and find the cheapest lamp that might work and balk at the cost.
- Go to Walmart and see that they have a hooked floor lamp at 81" high for only $20 and buy it.
- While opening the lamp, notice it says "flexible" and get a sick feeling as you realize that the 81" is with the lamp pointing up, not bent over. The lamp is too short.
- Realize you can avoid admitting you made a mistake, by buying a second lamp, taking some of the vertical pipes from it. and making a taller and a shorter lamp.
- Take a moment to think about how clever you are.
- Take apart lamps with bear hands, including pulling the electrical wires out of the bulb socket.
- Have conversation with wife to reassure her that you are being safe.
- Go to test the pipe fittings and realize that even though the packaging on the two lamps are identical, the fittings are in fact different.
- Count to 10 to avoid swearing in front of children.
- Sing counting songs with children.
- Go to hardware store to buy nuts to protect the threads on the pipe fittings as you remove them.
- Remove the first pipe fitting and realize that inside of the pipes are not threaded and it doesn't matter that the threads are different between the lamps.
- Count to 10 to avoid swearing in front of the children.
- Sing counting songs with children.
- Try to push wires though the pipes.
- Realize you should have tied a string on the wires before pulling them out of the pipes so that you could use the same string to pull the wires back through the pipes.
- Get needle and thread, using needle as weight to pull thread through pipes.
- Realize that pipes and inserts are magnetic and needle will not easily go through pipes.
- Reassure wife that you are not damaging the furniture while you beat the pipes against the sofa and rug to get the needle through.
- Give the children hugs and reassure them that you do love them and you are not angry with them.
- Connect pipes.
- Realize you don't know which wire is "hot" and which is "neutral" and that it does matter.
- Get electrical tester and determine that it is broken.
- Wait for wife to run errand so you can avoid explaining to her what you are doing next.
- Get ladder so you can steal nine volt battery out of smoke detector and test the wires by "sparking" them.
- Talk to children about ladder safety and staying off the ladder while you are on it.
- While taking apart smoke detector threaten children if they don't get off the ladder.
- Convincingly threaten to beat children.
- Console children and reassure them that you still love them.
- Explain to wife why children are crying when she gets home.
- Test wires and try to reattach them to the bulb socket.
- Realize that you have damaged the socket by ripping the wires out with your bare hands.
- Count to 20 to avoid swearing in front of children.
- Sing counting songs with children.
- Find super glue.
- Retest wires so you know which one is which.
- Glue wires and fingers to bulb socket.
- Count to 100 to avoid cursing in front of children while you rip your fingers off the socket.
- Realize that no amount of singing is going to make your children like numbers after that.
- Finish assembling lamps and admire how good they look.
- Test wiring with and without having them plugged in to verify that they work well and are safe.
- Admire your work and think of all the money you saved.
- Look up the other lamp online to figure out exactly how much money you saved, and see that the lamp is now on sale for the same amount you have spent.
- Swear in front of children.
UPDATE:
In hind sight, it would have been cheaper and easier to buy a stool to put the lamp on. On the up side, I really like the shorter lamp on the table next to the recliner as a reading light.